No News Is Good News.
Welcome to beautiful South Carolina: The First State to Secede and the Last one to Succeed! Tonight in the hometown of Bob Jones Univeristiy, the final six Republican candidates are catching up on their Bible Cliffnotes and polishing their defenses of Traditional Marriage. With the somewhat sane population of New Hampshire out of the way, Republican candidates can now go back to courting the Muslim-Bashing, Jesus-Loving, Chik-filla-Eating base that they know and love so much. It’s crunch time now, and to be able to win, they’re going to have to cram in as many New Testament references they can muster.
To Play Holier Than Thou, simply tune into the CBS Republican Debate, print off your card, and cut out your pieces. Each time the candidate blatantly panders to the Christian Right, move their piece one space closer to God. The first Narcissist to sufficiently humble themselves before the Almighty wins!
As we’ve all learned from It’s a Wonderful Life, “Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets its his wings.” If a candidate talks over their alloted amount of time and gets the now-familiar buzzer, add a pair of wings to their piece and feel free to skip one reference to God. It’s kind of like when you donate to a Christian charity and feel entitled to a week off of Church!