Horrorscopes: February 7-13

EDITOR’S NOTE:

Dear fellow voyeurs,

First of all, we would like to apologize. We realize that plenty of people rely upon the astrological predictions in Horrorscopes as a foundation for making life important decisions, and we haven’t been living up to that responsibility. While this explanation may not justify our lack of content, we hope it gives the read a better understanding of the circumstances surrounding the situation.

The trouble started when our alcoholic Horrorscopes correspondent Frank Owensworth (better know by his pen name Sam the Sham) reached a breaking point in his marriage. For months we have noticed passive-aggressive swipes at himself in the “Pisces” entries, but didn’t think enough of it to do something about it. In early December, his wife called it quits, and Frank never showed up at the office again.

In early January we were able to track down Frank at a flop-house in Tijuana. He was covered in filth, and surrounded by empty tequila bottles, cans of computer duster and the remnants of elephant tranquilizers. He’s in rehab now, and we all wish him a speedy recovery. In the meantime, his responsibilities will be taken over by Beth: the Psychic Lady from Accounting.

So once again, we apologize for Frank’s many, many failures, and we just hope that he doesn’t relapse when he gets back to the real world.

–The Weird Voyeurism Editorial Collective